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I can't wait
for a stable, healthy tree
that I can sit in
and see all I want to see.
I can't wait
for grass that grows tall
that I can lay in
thinking of
nothing at all.
I can't wait
for vines to grow
around my torso and limbs
that will squeeze me tight
until I go limp.
I can't wait
for your fingernails on my skin
and your hair against the lines
on my palms.
I can't wait
for your heart pressed against mine
and those eyes gazing deep into my soul.
so deep that I can feel the blood rush in my ears.
I can't wait for your smell on my clothes,
and your teeth on my flesh,
tearing into me,
both extracting and injecting a sweet toxin,
to share with the both of us
emphasizing the bond we'll have
for who knows how long.
©2009-2010 ~suppxgisus
:iconsuppxgisus:

Author's Comments

mastershake5009 (9:25:49 PM): I like this poem
mastershake5009 (9:25:54 PM): How I feel.
spratzagirl (9:26:08 PM): hm?
spratzagirl (9:26:16 PM): oh it's how you feel?
spratzagirl (9:26:17 PM): (:
spratzagirl (9:26:21 PM): stable, healthy tree
mastershake5009 (9:26:26 PM): Well, from a male end.
spratzagirl (9:26:29 PM): both a guy, and a relationship
spratzagirl (9:26:35 PM): grass, again a relationship
spratzagirl (9:26:37 PM): vines being love
spratzagirl (9:26:45 PM): then all the sex nonsense
spratzagirl (9:26:45 PM): lol
mastershake5009 (9:26:51 PM): Well I can discern the metaphors

Comments


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:iconvuori:
This one flows quite well. The rhyming definitely helps it a lot. The lines would go quite a bit better, though, if they were broken up only slightly differently - for example;

"I can't wait
for grass that grows tall
that I can lay in
thinking of
nothing at all."

Would flow slightly better even just as;

"I can't wait
for grass that grows tall
that I can lay in,
thinking of
nothing at all."

Leaving things on the end of the line like that is like inserting a '...' after it. It makes the reader pause. Inserting a few more commas or even full stops should help the poem to flow even more. Although as I said, I see a definite improvement with this poem!

--
"Don't mistake lack of talent for genius."

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October 28, 2009
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